How to get over a heartbreak

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I was dumped last week. I know that I should have seen it coming but I didn’t.

So, what happened? There is a guy I had been dating in 2017 for three months before he decided that he wanted space because he wanted to figure himself out. Then he travelled to Canada for three months’ vacation. I spent 2 months of life in depression and loathing for men. After the two months, I had off and on relationships till late last year,2019 when he started contacting me again asking for a second chance.

In November, He somehow managed to get me out of my house to meet him for dinner at a fancy restaurant in town. Then he apologized for about two hours, bought me good food, wine and asked me if we could try dating again.

I started dating him again. I know, it was a stupid move and I knew it but I just could not control myself. I had become prettier in the two years and he kept on telling me that and buying me expensive gifts. Maybe I stayed with him because he praised me a lot and made me feel good about myself. However, he was manipulative at times and said he had issues with his self-esteem and family.

Last week, we meet two of his friends, girls, in town and they kept on touching him and being affectionate right in front of me. I was furious but I just kept quiet because I hate being a dramatic girlfriend. We had a late breakfast and went out for ice cream. Since I was stuffed, I had a hard time finishing the ice cream so he called the two girls and asked them to come to the café we were at. 

They came under 5 minutes. And yes, they flirted for about 10 minutes before I threw glares at him. That’s when they realized that we were dating. Imagine! I felt so betrayed as he did not acknowledge my presence and instead told me to just bear with it because all his girl-friends are touchy people. Long story short, we broke up the next day. Surprisingly, he managed to twist the story to make me seem like I did not trust him at all.

Am I heartbroken? yes. But this time around I was prepared for it since I knew his flaws from the first breakup. I was hurt  but I was sure and confident that I had made the right choice to never give my time to someone who was not willing to have me as a priority.  

So, how do you get over that person who has caused you to hurt?

  • Remove your ex from your contacts and social media. Watching what he /she is up to with the friends or their new partner won’t help you heal in any way. In fact, it will make you feel worse about yourself. You don’t need the constant reminder that their life is better without you or seeing their new partner and comparing their looks versus yours.
  • Cry. Vent out your frustrations and allow yourself to grieve the broken relationship. We are human and sometimes we need to vent out our frustrations before they drown us. However, this should only be for a short time as prolonged grief can cause depression.
  • Surround yourself with your friends. This will help you to get rid of the negative thoughts, suicidal thoughts or the hurt. Create time for fun activities to distract you from the pain. Better still, talk to them about how you feel regarding the broken relationship and let them comfort you.
  • Love yourself. If you gave your all in the relationship and it still didn’t work then it was not meant to last. So, don’t hate yourself or think of yourself as a failure.
  • Get rid of the pictures, clothes and gifts. They create a false bond and comfort that will make you feel worse as the person is no longer thee with you to give you the love you crave for. But let’s be honest, I got pretty clothes as gifts and I don’t think I will throw them away because they are just so expensive and nice. Hahaha
  • Take a break from dating. Don’t make someone else into a rebound and end up hurting them down the lane. Distance yourself from dating and have time for yourself and to do fun stuff e.g. getting a new hobby like biking, hiking, fishing, knitting etc.
  • Work out, work out. It has always worked for me. Going back to the gym and lifting the weights, doing the cardio and getting back in shape gives you the confidence that nobody can take from you. Furthermore, it leaves you feeling better about yourself.
photo: courtesy

Please do not stalk them or their new partners for revenge. It will end up going very bad for you or even result in a lawsuit or restraining order.

I know that sometimes you envision getting rid of them in the most inhumane ways possible but this will lead to more suffering for you.

The best thing to do is to accept what has happened and work on improving yourself to be better. There are more men or women out there who can’t wait to date someone as amazing as you.

So, accompany me as we get over our heartbreaks and work on becoming better people capable of loving again.

Bye, my lovelies.

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Franca Whyte
3 months ago

Breakups are hard. They're an inevitable shock to the system. Breakups change everything you've become accustomed to. There may be so many questions, such as what went wrong, what you could have done differently, and why you weren't good enough. Even if you were the one who ended the relationship, you'll probably have at least a few moments when you miss your ex. At some point, you'll probably wonder if your heart will ever heal from the breakup. The answer is yes, your heart will eventually heal. Anyone who’s come out the other side of a breakup knows that. But… Read more »

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