Okay, let’s not lie to each other, this period is fucking boring. I never thought watching TV would be this exhausting, not to mention the number of TV shows I have watched. Nothing works anymore, considering the fact that almost everyone is at home, its hell just being alone sitting on the balcony with my phone and earphones. So, to commemorate this, here is a bunch of stuff I found myself doing over the past month, simply because I am bored.
I am so bored…I started playing ropes with kids
Don’t you dare judge me! In my defense, the kids in our apartment made it seem fun. With the way they scream, shout to each other, and enjoy themselves when playing, I just felt a little jealous. So, I thought, why not join them and have that kinda fun, alaa! kwani iko nini!
I am so bored…I started flirting with the neighbor everyone hates
We have this neighbor who, to reasons I don’t have time to explain, we’ve hated ever since she moved in. It started with wamama wa ploti all hating her cause she allegedly looked like the ladies who steal other people’s husbands. Truth, she is really blessed, the kind that is just the right amount of brown, blessed from front to back and to crown it all, a pretty face with some touch of dimples on each sides of her cheeks, magnet I tell you, husband magnet. How about the way she dresses in short minis when going out in the morning and in skeptical booty shorts when at home doing her routine chores, damn.
Well on this unfaithful day, I get from my normal run- ah who are we kidding- I was from the shop running up the stairs cause maji ya chai was already boiling. When I heard this fantastic morning beauty walking down the stairs in a hurry, so, like how a normal person would do, I looked up; and what I saw was heaven, painted in brown with a pink lining. Not expecting what I saw, I just stood there as she came and passed me, smelling all classy and shit. I can’t say I was hard, but something was happening. I think she noticed it because she giggled when she passed me.
That evening, I was busy minding my business on the rooftop when she came to put some of her clothes to on the hang-line. I watched her bend over towards me with those booty shorts of hers when she picked each clothing one by one. And in my mind, I am like, can’t you hurry up, lady. You are causing damages you can’t pay for over here. When she finished, she approached me and waited for me to take off my earphones so that she can say.
I mean what the hell, madam. You found me here, and you are the one bending that sexy ass towards me. There are like literally 16 compass positions you can bend that ass towards, and you choose me, how is that my fault? Well, I didn’t say any of those, I just smiled, also, cause I couldn’t find my voice, so I just waited for her to go away. Either my smile was longer than usual, or she realized that I didn’t want to talk, cause she walked away eventually. I watched her leave and marveled at the way she walked.
I am so bored…I installed tinder
Okay, this one was not my initial goal, but when a friend suggested it to me, I decided to try it. It’s easier at first with pictures of ladies flashing on your screen, and you have to swipe right or left, and then when it’s a match, you are persuaded to talk to them. First of all, why am I the only one being told to start the conversation, why can’t the girl start it? Tinder is nothing like what you saw in the movies, its hectic and most people over there are boring. I read their bios and description of what they like, and I feel the cliche all over. Can someone write a normal original bio about themselves? Am tired of these people who are “looking for a nothing serious, just someone to have fun with” bla bla bla.