It is yet another Friday morning and I already can’t stop thinking about you. I wish I knew why it always has to be a Friday but anyway I guess I’m a slave to you. Regardless of my eagerness to be with you, my job does not allow me to see you this early and so my anticipation grows with every tick on the clock.
I remember last Friday when it was time to see you and my wallet was malnourished. I had to pay the Fuliza corridors a visit because I couldn’t stand the thought of not seeing you. I still haven’t paid them back but I guess you’re worth going broke for. I remember holding you in my arms and my heart pulsating because it always feels like the first time I saw you, standing tall and unshaken by the cool evening breeze. God you were gorgeous. You still are.
Within the first hour with you, my confidence had been growing around you and my head was buzzing. I was clearly having a good time as it was evident from my ear to ear smile. You had channeled my analytical side. I pondered at how our government is very corrupt and has no concern whatsoever of the common “mwananchi”. I gave a heartwarming speech of how I would change things given the chance. Oh! If only my wishes were horses. I went on about how I’d make it as a millionaire regardless of the circumstances and that my current struggles which include my unpaid rent are just sharpening me for Canaan.
It was almost midnight and now we had gotten to the deep dive session. You reminded me of my ex. Nostalgia. I thought about the many whys and what ifs of my time with her imagining what I’d do different if I could go back in time. All possibilities in a parallel universe. At one point you even tempted me to call her. I fell for your trick and did so. Luckily for me she didn’t pick up. I guessed she was already asleep. I remember it took me around three calls to register this fact. Yet again I had managed to make a fool of myself by only considering myself and not her. No wonder she left me.
I was now angry at you and decided to leave. You’re not a good friend yet you followed me home. I wondered why I even sought your council in the first place. You always do this to me. Make me feel on top of the world when the night begins only to heartbreak me and leave me hanging. Always ending up the fool. I want nothing to do with you and vow never to look you in the face or even utter your name but I know it’s all a façade. When you call, I always come running. I guess I’m a slave to you.
As I write this letter to you. I know it will end up with me running to your arms again as usual but I have to be tough on myself. I have to try because I’m stuck in this loop where I can’t get over you even though you’re killing me both physically and psychologically. Hopefully one day I can stand up and say I escaped the cage my toxic friend put me in. The cage you my dear friend Alcohol put me in.